Bored College Students on Halloween

On Halloween, the weather was so nice, one of my roommmates and I decided to go out and take some fun pictures. We went again on Sunday because she didn't get everything she wanted on Friday. . .the light was dying. Enjoy!

Summer Vacation

Well, it's that time of year again. And, like most years, I outwardly greatly anticipate the release of summer from the almost unendurably long hours of studying and writing papers, but inside, I fear the impending boredom and depression. While I love summer vacation, there is something about doing everything at once to doing nothing inevitably depresses me beyond belief every time I get a break from school. It's as if my mind can't completely shut off, and I'm faced with the daunting possibility of trying to do just that. Everyone rattles on and on about how much they love summer vacation, from the morning hours wasted wonderfully by sleeping in and the afternoon hours spent lounging by the pool, doing nothing in particular except working on their tan. In the evening, most kids my age cut loose with a party or a movie night, or some other form of mildly amusing entertainment. Those long hours of doing nothing quickly get on my nerves. I feel useless, unproductive, and lonely, and my spirits sink to a previously unimaginable low. The happy, smiling girl of a month previous disappears inside a sullen, disagreeable "teenager" continually munching on potato chips or ice cream sandwiches.

This year, however, things have been different. I have things to do, for one. I was home for a week (a week where I house sat for some friends and ran around contentedly), then my cousin Beth Anne and I flew off to Boston for nine days. Everyday we did something new and exciting, whether it was walking down the freedom trail and picking up cannolis along the way or shopping on one of the most high-end streets of retail in the U.S. of A., every day was crammed full of interesting things. After I got back, I started a class, Microeconomics, at the local community college only days after returning from my East Coast Adventure. While it's nothing to brag about, it does keep me interested. I have to worry about grades and supply curves and demand shifters and what stupid thing my teacher is going to say come next class period. Sure, griping isn't the best alternative, but it keeps me interested. My cousin's moving down to Scottsdale in July (busy busy), my friends and I are planning short trips and Backstreet Boys Bonanzas (don't ask, please don't ask), and a trip to California in July.

I guess all I'm saying is that for once, I'm happy during the summer, and feeling productive. I guess all it takes is a few goals set firmly in place and a month-long bus pass. Who knew life's problems could be resolved so easily?

Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham

Last weekend, my friend Jackie and I kicked back and watched our first ever Hindi film (well, most recent, anyhow). It was called Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, and it was excellent! Lots of song and dance. It was like a Buzzby Burkley film from the 1930's, where, for absolutely no reason at all, the whole room of people would break out into a huge, choreographed dance sequence, complete with a catchy tune. The same was true for this film. Out of nowhere, suddenly two of the main characters would be singing together by the pyramids and then, inexplicably, by another natural landmark definitely not in India. It was very cool. I've included one of the songs from the movie (this one's better quality than the other one I really like). Now picture me trying to do the dance moves along with the video! That's real comedy.

Vegetarianism

Recently, I decided to become a vegetarian. I'd toyed with the idea before, when I was in middle school and a hard-core animal rights activist. I think middle school and early high school are some of the times when a person becomes really passionate about things (whether or not one's parents feel those things have any redeeming value). I became passionate about the Ramones and vegetarianism. There was only one problem: I didn't much care for the meat replacements. I still don't, in fact. My mom used to feed us "veggie crumble" during that time period, which was fake ground beef. It wasn't too bad, but I still couldn't help refering to it as "the fake meat". Please pass the fake meat. It doesn't make for a tasty meal. After a while, due both to my repugnance to replacement meat and a boy in my class constantly ragging on me (he used to call me "Veggie Girl," and would ask me if I "wanted a cheeseburger"), but I never really forgot about how much I had wanted to try it.

Well, here I am, four years later, trying it again. It helps that now I like more vegetables! I wanted to do this both because I feel most meat was treated cruelly when it was an animal and because I felt it would be a healthier lifestyle than my current one. For the first week or so it wasn't, since I didn't really know what my options were as a newly christened vegetarian, so I basically ate grilled cheese sandwiches and curly fries. Not exactly the healthy option I was looking for! Now, I'm a little more saavy, and I have a little more self-control. It's hard sometimes, though. I love the taste of meat. Name a meat, and I'm pretty sure I like it. It's a challenge, but I've always been one to like a challenge, which is exactly why I stayed in Chemistry I Honors, despite the fact that I suck at chemistry and ended up with a B. I'm proud of myself for my choice and feel I'm in a good place with my eating habits, but sometimes I come up against opposition from others.

Sometimes I feel like I have to explain myself, like "Oh, but I still eat chicken when I go out for Indian food," or "This isn't set in stone or anything." And the typical reaction I have gotten from men is negative. Most guys, when I tell them I'm a vegetarian, either go, "Why??" or "Oh," like it's a disappointment. Maybe they like a girl who likes her BBQ and corn on the cob a la George Bush. Most of the girls I talk to, on the other hand, either think it's cool or wish they could do it too. It's interesting that those who wish they could do it either can't give up their meat or don't like enough vegetables. I know a few people who don't like meat enough to justify eating it on a regular basis, but they like so few vegetables that vegetarianism would be suicidal to their health. Reese pieces for breakfast and french fries for lunch, anyone?

So, while I'm proud of myself, sometimes others kind of get me down, by subtlely (or not so subtlely) letting me know that they think I'm making the wrong choice in their book. Today, I decided to look up some other famous vegetarians, to see if I could find a couple of pop culture heroes to boost me up. Fortunately, I already have a wonderful person in my life who is also a vegetarian, so I can look to her for help and support in my endeavor. I just felt like seeing if there were kindred souls out there who have a little more influence. Maybe if someone knocked me for being a veggie girl, I could trot out a couple of well-placed names and send them packing to the produce section of the grocery store. What I found really surprised me. Not only are there tons of famous vegetarians (and vegans), but so many of them were on my importance list. Aside from major Indian spiritual and political leaders (Buddha, Mahavira, and Gandhi, to name a few), all four Beatles were listed as vegetarians (and here I thought it was just Paul and George), and such big Hollywood names as Brad Pitt and Demi Moore. Even more importantly to me, my other guitar hero is a vegetarian. Mick Jones, ex-guitarist for the Clash and current lead guitarist for Carbon/Silicon and winner of this year's NME Inspiration Award, decided to become a vegetarian much for the same reasons as I did. He doesn't like cruelty toward animals and wanted to challenge himself. I also found out that he's Jewish, and one of the most famous Jewish punks. He's just a mover and shaker all around!

It turns out I'm not alone and I'm actually in the company of some really cool people. I'm not as crazy as some people think, and when I'm feeling alone or doubting myself, I have role models to look to on my journey. I still have some issues to work out with this lifestyle (how do I get enough protein when I can't get eggs every day and don't particularly care for soy? how do I incorporate my diet in with my parents' when I move back home for the summer? etc.), but I am more confident than ever that I can do whatever I want to. In this day and age, so many people think you can't tell kids they can do anything, because then they'll think it's true when it's not. I honestly believe than anyone can do anything they want, if only they work hard enough. And I for one plan to work hard enough at this.

Ridiculously Catchy 90's Music

You know that Monty Python skit about the funniest joke ever? It's used in joke warfare and kills people because it's so funny. It slowly spreads across the world until everyone dies. It's kind of the same with this song by the 90's group Aqua, whose breakthrough hit was "Barbie World". It's so catchy, you find yourself humming it and dancing in public places against your will. Sure, it's cheesy, but it's classic 90's pop. You gotta love it for what it is - a gem of a pop song!

Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros

I'm putting up this YouTube video because I recently discovered this song and I want to share it with everyone possible. I love Joe Strummer. He provides inspiration for me and always puts a smile on my face. He was the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for the Clash (my favorite band), but many years after they broke up he began making music again with his new band, the Mescaleros. I classify it as good ol' rock'n'roll. My dad got me the CD Global-A-Go-Go for Christmas, since I had enjoyed Streetcore, Joe's last album and a marvelous one at that, so much. I hadn't quite gotten around to it yet; I'd been so busy recently, and, it being a new CD, I had to actually sit down and focus on it alone if I was to listen to it. So I had put it off, skipping the songs when I put my music on shuffle, until yesterday. I decided, on a whim, to listen to Johnny Appleseed. I had heard Joe mention it a couple of times in interviews or documentaries, and wanted to know what it sounded like. I loved it. It is an amazing song, full of all the subtleties and surprises one expects from Joe Strummer, as well as nuggets of wisdom slipped in there almost under the radar. To top it all off, it's just a catchy song. I woke up this morning feelin' fine, there was something special on my mind, but it wasn't the new boy in the neighborhood. It was this song. I walked to my French class full of extra bounce in my step (someone already told me I'm bouncy enough to impersonate Tigger) and a broad smile on my face. Suddenly, the world didn't seem like such an awful place. The sun shone friendlier, the people were nicer, and the sky was a prettier blue than just yesterday. I agree with Hugh Grant's character in Music and Lyrics; you can take all the novels in all the world, and none of them will make you feel as good as fast as a pop song. Or in this case, a really great rock song. This particular version is Joe and his band live on Letterman (I found the music video slightly cheesey), and they do an excellent job. Also, if you're looking for another great song to lift your spirits, I recommend "Coma Girl," also by Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros, or "Looking for a Song," by Big Audio Dynamite. Cleverly crafted, both of them, they inexplicable lift the corners of your mouth and make you dance like no one's watching. I do caution against listening to them in public places, because although sometimes you dance like no one is watching, in reality, some people are, so only dance in public if you've got enough gumption. But if you come and dance by me in public, I'll join you. Maybe if more people danced, then they would be happier. . .well, here's this video. I hope you enjoy it. I certainly do.

My Big Fat Flaw

I am too nice. There. I said it. That is my big, fat flaw. I have trouble disappointing people, trouble saying no, trouble telling someone the truth, and trouble ignoring someone. People have frequently invaded my room until unseemly hours when all I wanted to do was lie face down on the floor and sink into unconsciousness like the girl from Psycho. But I couldn't get them out of my room to do that, because I am too nice. When someone asks me if I want to go out to lunch and I really don't want to, I have to say yes because I am too nice and am unable to say no. Or, in the rare case, I say "you know, today isn't a really good day for me, I've got a lot of homework and housework, so maybe we could do something another time." In that simple sentence, I have given them hope and failed to bar the door in their face, and, in doing so, hindered them from moving on. I limit their possibilities and their opportunities by cruelly leaving them hanging and hoping. This is the result of an abundance of nicety. Why do I have this problem? Maybe it was how I was raised. I was aways a super-polite kid. Even now, when I loan a pencil to someone, I say thank you when they give it back to me, despite the fact that it is, in all reality, they who should be thanking me. I am the type of girl who will say anything to anyone to keep them happy. I will blast myself and find some shred of happiness for them to latch onto. And I'm not happy unless everyone else is happy, so it is necessary for me to go to great lengths to please people. People pleasers. We are so maleable. Our only comfort is each other. My cousin is a people pleaser, like me, and I find support in her. We share the same issues in our lives and same worries. We worry when someone close to us is suffering, and we, too, suffer. We often let out personal needs go, and sacrifice our well-being for that of others. We also misstep so often, because we so want to please but we can't understand the signals, and don't know how to offer help. Maybe there is a purpose to the eternally bobbing helium balloons of our personality. Maybe our people pleasing is just what others need: someone to pity and accomodate them. We are the ones to take in the wounded and hurt, sheltering and nursing them until they once again fly. We are the conflict resolvers and the keepers of the peace. We are the ones who pry into the hearts of others in an attempt to help them heal with sharing. We are the ones who suffer alone at times, because we have no one to please us and ask us to open our secret souls. Yet, we are what we are. It is a gift, and a curse. And I would not trade it for anything.

My Turn at YouTube

My mother is getting really savvy at this whole internet thing, and she has her own blog on this site as well. She has posted pictures and links and, now, YouTube videos. So I'm going to give this a shot and see if it works!

Comfort

My thoughts go out to those wounded or killed in the recent Northern Illinois university campus shooting. This tragedy should not have occurred. My heart is with them today. Please send your heart out to them as well, to help them cope with the enormity of this awful, awful event.

My Oatmeal Bowl is Empty.

My oatmeal bowl is empty.
I shudder with hunger
And double over until my mouth makes the first sound of my favorite breakfast food.

My oatmeal bowl is empty.
I scrape my fingernails
Along the inside of the dish until the dried flakes break away from their clingy stance.

My oatmeal bowl is empty.
I try to think of life
But the warm deliciousness of cereal steals all my psychological chunks in a heist.

My oatmeal bowl is empty.
I can’t escape this longing
For gooey goodness dripping stickily down my throat and finally satisfying my needs.

My oatmeal bowl is empty.
I have no more instant packets
So I leave missing my last quenching breakfast and resolve to never replace its bliss.

Fresh Mountain Air and Our Happiness

Maybe the fresh air does enhance learning capabilities. It energizes me to walk to class next to pine trees, smell the clean smell of fresh snow, and squint my eyes against the burst of mountain breeze blowing firmly against my cheeks at twenty-five mph. The other day, as I walked to my education class, I felt so alive bouncing along the pavement, watching the poufy clouds so starkly contrasted against the burning blue sky. Maybe the crisp Flagstaff air opens my mind as much as it opens my nasal passages when I scuttle off to French at nine in the morning.

Where I'm from, the Phoenix area, we try so hard to impersonate Los Angeles. Our skies attempt the kind of smogginess LA's achieves, and our drivers compete with their's for the prize of "City with the Most Road Rage and Traffic Congestion." Frequently, rush hour rolls around with SUVs and four-wheel drives vehicles doing everything but rush, leaving hordes of pissed off drivers texting their anger to their significant others lucky enough to escape the commute. Even our teenagers strut down the street like it's a catwalk, touting their Prada and D&G and attempting to out-skinny the celebrities one might spot cruising down Sunset Boulevard. No fast food for the select neighborhoods in Phoenix. Even our art gallaries compete, trying to attract more big names like Monet and Rembrant than the other.

In Flagstaff, all that drops away. Few people hurry down the road; they traipse and gambol and totter, but rush finds no haven in their vocabulary. People are friendlier up here, too, as if the rigid social codes imposed by the suburbs have no power over them. In my hometown, a person absolutely does not engage another in conversation (what are we? human?). They must be a hobo, lunatic, child molestor, or ex-con if they speak to you. I'm particularly sociable, but there've been many times when I got a freaked out look when I chatted about the mall madness or the overwhelming heat at which anyone who has ever lived in Phoenix nods their head understandingly. But in Flagstaff, people chat you up about anything, for as long as you're willing to stand there and listen. I once found myself in the middle of an enjoyable conversation with a store owner for about an hour because we both decided to share a moment in time.

Even the air feels better. My roommate, a woman with perenially plugged nasal passages, even found her allergies to be less severe up here, and has not contracted as many common colds and viruses as she used to in Phoenix. No wind blasting thirty miles per hour straight at your face is fun, but here, at least the wind feels clean. In Phoenix, a thirty-mile-per-hour wind meant bugs in your teeth and unidentifiable specks of city life forced into your nostrils.

I love to wander outside, and just breathe. Maybe that's what is wrong with the world. Not enough people take time out of their day to simply breathe and let go. Maybe more people need to let go of their preconceptions, their labels, their prejudices, their resentements, their awkwardnesses, and their troubles. Maybe we all would be happier if instead of the gunk of city life jostling around in our brains, we had the cleanliness of mountain air and friendly living.

"Good morning, here's the news, and all of it is good. Good evening, here's the news, and all of it is good, and the weather's good." --Carbon/Silicon

Introductory Meditations

Well, here it is, my first blog, my first communication into the larger world of cyberspace aside from dabblings in online poetry publishing and the all-important social connector, such as Facebook.

Isn't it amazing how just one little thing can completely shake up your world, like a new acquaintance, music, book, or even an idea? Everything fits into place and then BAM. That new something or other decides to scramble all your carefully laid plans. But isn't that what makes life interesting, the discovery that rocks your world, that suddenly changes all your predetermined ideals and rules? I think so.

I personally have the belief that I ought to try almost everything once. This especially applies to food, since I am too afraid to try bungee jumping or sky diving once. I should, but my thinking is that once is enough to kill you, whereas most foods you run across are safe to eat, and the worst thing you will get from them is food poisoning or a particularly bad stomach ache. How do you know you don't like something until you try it? I cannot count the number of times I have been so thankful I tried something I normally wouldn't have because it ended up become a favorite. The perfect example is my love of Indian cuisine. In my opinion, it encompasses some of the most wonderful flavors and recipes in the world, but I wouldn't have arrived at that conclusion if I hadn't tried it out first. My favorite band presents us with another example. I was going through my CDs one day, deciding which ones to give away, and I came across The Clash Singles CD. I could have, in that split second, decided just to let it go without listening to it again. Instead, I popped it in the player, and an obsession was born.

So, today, go out and try something new. Say yes to something you normally wouldn't. I'm not suggesting you go throw yourself off a cliff because it sounds cool, but take a class, try escargot, or look at something from a different perspective. You might just be pleasantly surprised.